How to Foster a Healthy Relationship With Your Children's New Stepparent

After you get a divorce, you have to figure out how to deal with the new changes in your life. Some changes are immediately felt, while others will surface over time, particularly when your children are involved. If your former spouse decides to remarry, you have to deal with a new step-parent.

Your children have to adjust to the new situation as well. This process can be a confusing and emotional time for your children. Coming to grips with your own feelings on the situation will help your children fully adjust. The following are some tips to help you get along with your children's new stepparent.

Always be your true self any time you interact with your children's new stepparent. Act naturally and do not attempt to put on an inauthentic front. Doing so is not only difficult to keep going over time, but inauthenticity is confusing for your children and is not a great way to start off your relationship with your children's new stepparent.

Instead, maintain a positive but authentic attitude. Do not over exaggerate your normal personality.

The goal with a parent and stepparent relationship is full cooperation. You as the parent will always overrule a stepparent, but you should aim to work with your former spouse and the stepparent together to reach intended goals for your children.

Make every effort to interact in a way that fosters cooperation. This not only helps to maintain a healthy relationship between you and the stepparent, but also presents a united front for your children. When your children see all of you get along and working together when possible, they will have a stronger respect for your new family unit.

There may come a time your children would prefer to do something with your former spouse and stepparent rather than you. If this occurs on your custody time, but the event is a once-in-a-lifetime situation or is otherwise important to your children, allow your children to choose where they would prefer to go.

If you coerce your child or make them feel guilty for spending more time with the other part of their family, you can foster distrust.

While you should allow your children to make decisions on occasion, do not stray too far from your custody arrangement. One of the worst things you can do is attempt to go outside your custody arrangement to spend additional time with your children, especially if you are doing so to spite your children's stepparent. If you violate your arrangement, your custody is at risk.

Your new family situation is new and will take time to get used to. Avoid the desire to rush anything in the new relationship. Allow your children's stepparent to adjust as well. The stepparent may not have his or her own children, so some time is necessary to acclimate. Allow time for the relationship to grow. Over time, things will settle and you may even bond.

If you have a positive attitude about the new situation, your children will eventually model your behavior. Never speak poorly of your former spouse or his or her new spouse in front of your children. If you attempt to foster bias against your children's family, your children may become confused or upset.

If you need any assistance with a divorce or other family law matter, please contact Mary E. Papcke, Attorney at Law. We can provide you with the necessary and compassionate legal counsel to help you navigate the process. We look forward to working with you on your journey.