A guardianship dispute is a fight that nobody wants to be in. However, sometimes it's inevitable. The good news is that having an experienced attorney and being proactive about protecting your wards' best interests can help lessen its impact on children. Consider these ways that you can protect kids when there's a contested guardianship.
Ask Your Kids Direct, Open-Ended Questions About How They're Doing
Children who know that adults are fighting over guardianship can sometimes feel stressed and guilty. Check in with the children often to see how they are feeling. Ask open-ended questions to help them open up about pain they may be feeling. If children have a hard time giving an answer for one question, try rephrasing the question to see if that helps them share their pain.
You may also look for other signs that the children are stressed. According to the American Psychological Association, signs that kids may be stressed include increased moodiness, withdrawal from activities they used to find pleasurable, changes in appetite, and excessive aches such as stomach aches or headaches. If the kids seem stressed, take them to see a counselor.
Try to Preserve the Children's Relationship with All Family Members
Children typically need a guardian when parents are unable to care for them. Sometimes more than one person wants to step up to the plate and become the guardian. If you feel that your guardianship should not be contested, emotions may run high, but that shouldn't influence the relationship that kids have with those who were close to them before the dispute.
No matter what situation you find yourself in, avoid cutting off kids' communication with other adults in their life who love and care for them. Try to preserve those relationships unless they threaten the wellbeing of the children. In fact, it's good to encourage kids continue to have a relationship with all family members. Coordinate times where they can see other loved ones.
That may mean communicating with someone when you are in a custody dispute with them. It may also mean calling people who haven't been supportive of your situation. You may keep pleasantries to a minimum and stick to discussions about the kids. However, keep that avenue of communication open.
Never Badmouth Other Adults in the Children's Lives
Although you may be deeply angered by the people who are contesting your guardianship of the children, express those emotions when the kids aren't around. Never badmouth them to your wards. If you need to take a minute, do so. Do what it takes to keep your cool and avoid discussing the negativity with the children.
Ask for Help and Take Terrific Care of Yourself
Although you may put your children's needs first, you still need to take excellent care of yourself during a custody dispute. If you fail to take good care of yourself, you won't be able to be the best guardian you can be. That can mean something a little different for everyone. Make sure all your needs are met. Consume a healthy, balanced diet. Get adequate sleep.
Also, recognize that the situation you're facing isn't the norm. It's okay to ask for help at any point. Call friends. Consider seeing a therapist. Most people who are going through a stressful guardianship battle can benefit from speaking to a counselor and addressing the emotional pain of the situation. When you show up for yourself, you can best show up for your wards.
Finally, fighting a contested guardianship is never something you should try alone. The Ohio State Bar Association cautions that the laws regarding guardianship are complex, and it's best to seek the help of an attorney who is experienced in these matters.
Contact Mary E. Papcke, Attorney at Law
for a free consultation in her office.