Are you and your spouse getting a divorce? This is a process that many people go through in their lifetime, and they may not realize the mistakes that can be made along the way. You might not be thinking rationally, which many unconsciously result in you trying to hurt your spouse, yourself or even your children in the process.
Here are three mistakes that you can make when getting divorced.
The process of getting divorced doesn't just start the moment you file for divorce. There can be months or years of a troubled relationship building up to it. This may cause you to feel lonely and that you are ready to begin dating again before the divorce is finalized.
Be aware that there may be legal repercussions to dating before one of you has moved out of the house and you have started the divorce process. Even if you and your ex-spouse have agreed to get a divorce, your dating could be listed as the explanation for why your marriage ended. Your spouse could be entitled to receive more alimony from you or get a larger settlement.
Even if you actually started dating someone new after the divorce proceedings were underway, it could cause your spouse to be suspicious of the relationship. They may claim that you had an affair during your marriage when you were actually completely faithful.
If you start dating and you have children, don't introduce your new significant other to your children until long after the divorce.
People often let emotions get the best of them during a divorce. This is understandable when you think about how stressful and emotional a divorce can be. It often causes emotions to spill into the legal proceedings when the divorce process should be like a business arrangement.
You may be tempted to use divorce proceedings as a way to harm your spouse emotionally. For example, if your spouse has a strong connection with the dog you two got while together, you may be tempted to have custody of the dog as a way to hurt your spouse.
If in reality, you do not have nearly as strong feelings about your pet, but you know your spouse does, you might unconsciously want to use the pet as leverage.
Others can get emotional over things that probably won't matter in the long run. For example, they may be obsessed with getting to keep the house, when they do not realize that it is an asset that is better off being sold and have the profits divided.
While it may be difficult, you must be practical about what you want out of a divorce settlement and if keeping the home is really in your best interest.
Another way that people try to get leverage over their spouse is with their children. If you have children, always remember that your children did not ask for the divorce and should be kept away from divorce-related drama as much as possible. You must put your children's wellbeing first, not your divorce.
If you are separated from your spouse and living with your children, your children are separated from your spouse as well. You should avoid keeping your spouse away from the children out of spite. You may not have a custody arrangement in place yet, but come up with a plan for your spouse to visit with the children until you have a legally binding plan that you have agreed to.
Be aware that while you have control over visitation when you are in mediation, and you and your spouse can ultimately decide what's best for you and your children, if you cannot come to a fair agreement and need to have a judge decide for you, the judge's say will be final and you will lose that control.
Speak with Mary E. Papcke, Attorney at Law for more tips about going through a
divorce.
